I’m Just Average Teen Me. Since I’ve got my favourites and monthly look ahead for this month done – I KNOW it took forever – it’s finally time for some posts where we can just talk and get to know each other a little bit better! 😀
In today’s post, I thought it’d be interesting to talk about something that happened almost two weeks ago, well, two weeks ago – tomorrow. Not last Friday, the Friday before? That makes sense, right? Anyways, it’s something that I have barely spoken about since, but it’s been something I’ve thought about a good bit.
Let’s go back to that Friday together.
As I walked into the English classroom, I saw that the title was ‘Gothic’. Knowing me, I probably let out a bit of a grunt; Gothic Literature has never been a favourite of mine. Frankly, I find it quite boring. Not to mention out of my comfort zone of writing in.
Around ten minutes later, the teacher announced that we’d be watching some video clips. It was exactly then that my stomach dropped. I turned around to Rachel and probably said something along the lines of “Rachel, I can’t do it!”. And she probably responded with something along the lines of “It’s okay, you’ll be okay, it won’t be that.”
A couple of minutes further on into the lesson, our teacher announced that the video clips would in fact be film trailers. Turning around to Rachel again (she sits behind me), my heart was pounding and I could barely breathe. Sweat was gathering in my palms, and I could feel it across my face. My fingers were shaking like leaves in the wind. I told myself that if my brain was right, I’d have to sit through it, look down, and get on with the work, because leaving the classroom is hardly appropriate – not to mention the amount of harassment I’d get from the other people in the class.
And then came the time for my English teacher to announce the film trailer. By this point, I was looking up to the ceiling to hold back any tears, and my knees had started to tremble in sync with my hands. I felt almost like I did last October, so I knew I had to be ready for if a panic attack hit.
“The first trailer is from a film that a lot of you will have seen. It’s quite typical of the Gothic genre. The Woman in -”
I raised my hand quicker than I think I ever had done before. “Can I go outside?” My voice was trembling now too, and I had zero time to think about what I was doing – I just did it. “I have -” At that point, I stopped myself from saying the word ‘phobia’ because people would probably take the mick. “I really don’t like this film…” My voice cracked slightly and trailed off. He looked puzzled for a moment, and then smiled awkwardly and said I could.
Bare in mind, that my seat is directly at the front of the classroom, back to back (or front to back?) with his desk, so he could probably see the terror and panic etched into my face. It also meant that I had to turn around and walk right to the door, in front of the whole class. At that point in time, though, I didn’t give a damn – I just had to get out.
Throughout the trailer, I stood outside the classroom, shaking intensely, verging on panic. I could feel my face burning up and tears forming in my eyes. Again, I looked up to the ceiling, but it didn’t help that I could still hear the soundtrack from the overly-loud speakers. Judge me all you like, but to try to get my nerves under control, I imagined a certain celebrity winking… I guess it sort of worked, because I didn’t get to the point where I cried or anything… But the nerves were still there.
At the end, Rachel came out to get me, and a couple of people asked why I left. When I told them about the whole phobia sort of thing I have over it, everything was okay. They didn’t care. Better yet, they understood. I had all of those nerves about anyone seeing how scared and anxious I was, all for no reason.
I guess you could say that makes me happy, to know that as bitchy, judgemental and annoying as some of the people in my year can be, none of them took the mick or judged me for it. I’m glad that at the end of the day, they’re accepting and do care about people’s feelings.
Basically, I’d say that if you’re scared of what people will think about you, just go for it, and forget about them. People can surprise you!
Thank you SO much for reading! Make sure to like and follow if you like my blog, and leave any thoughts or suggestions in the comments!
–Just Average Teen Me