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Trying to Trust

Hi,

I’m Just Average Teen Me. I wanted to talk about something that I’ve dealt with for a long time, and how I’m trying to step out of my comfort zone little by little.

For so long, I’ve found it difficult to trust people, and if you asked me how many people I trust, I would have probably said nobody. As you can imagine, that meant that I’ve had a lot of secrets that only I know.

I’m not completely sure why I don’t trust people, but it might be because of a few events that have happened in the past. As I was going into high school, there was a lot going on. Shortly after I created this blog, I actually told the blogosphere about it. Since I was about three, I’d had one best friend. But as we got to high school, hormones hit and she changed so much. She went behind my back on several occasions, and let’s just say it probably hasn’t helped with not trusting people…

Then, as you might remember, this time last year, a good friend of mine (Regina) said some pretty mean things on a group chat that I wasn’t included in. That one ended up in a panic attack, which definitely was not fun.

I guess you could say that I’m scared to trust people because I don’t want the rest of the world finding out… There are some things, though, that I have trusted my friends with – but they also think the same thing (there’s a rather good-looking dude in the year above us and we’re all in on it).

But when it’s something that only I know about, or only I think, it becomes so much more scary. A few days ago, I kind of let something slip on the group chat… Britt is bi, and was talking about how a lot of the girls in our year look like models. Regretfully, I replied with:

“There are very few minorly attractive guys in our year :D”

Before you ask, no I had never told them of anyone in our year that I find attractive, so Britt kind of freaked out.

“WHAT DID YOU MEAN U THINK SOMEONE’S ATTRACTIVE IN OUR YEAR OMG JATM SPIT IT OUT RIGHT NOW”

Penny was just confused as hell: “Jatm…”

At that point I was very much cringing and regretting saying that at all. So I replied with

“IDK WHAT TO SAY TO THIS” After them guessing pointlessly at people who matched my ‘type’ in any way, I realised I could stop it.

“I DON’T KNOW THEIR NAMES OKAY” So at this point, I was trying to throw them off; I do know his name.

So, two days later and they still had no clue. The topic of ‘that guy that Jatm likes’ cropped up. It gradually came to the point where I’d told them his hair colour, that he’s quite tall, in the other side of the year and that he looks a little like a celebrity we know (I did specify the celebrity, but I’ll leave that out for the blog.).

Then it became “do you know his name?”. I did, and I told them this time – not his name, but that I knew it. 5 minutes later, I’d told them the first letter of his last name and a letter in his first, forcing them to promise that if they figured it out, nobody else could know.

Penny being the quick-to-find-things-out person that she is, replied within two minutes with a name. His name. Here’s where the trusting comes into play – I could have said no, and let her keep guessing at wrong answers, or I could have told her she was right. I chose to tell her.

That’s one of the first times I’ve told someone something that only I know, so as you can imagine, I was pretty terrified. But at this point, 12 hours later, I’m glad I did. If you’re anything like me, just try to maybe trust a person or two? I know it’s one of the hardest things to do, but it’ll be worth it.. ❤

BYE! 😀

Just Average Teen Me

P.S. If you’ve been wondering this whole time if I have a crush on this dude, I don’t think I do… He’s just very nice-looking… And according to Penny, not that nice of a guy… 😀