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People Need Space

Hi,

I’m Just Average Teen Me. Following Friday’s situation (to say the least), I’ve been anxious and nervous all weekend. I still have shaky knees when I walk down stairs, and I’ve been feeling sick at the thought of school on Monday… Clueless would be a good way to describe how I’m feeling about the whole thing: I don’t understand why Britt told them, and how on Earth I’m going to convince people I don’t without seeming overly defensive. :/

Anyways, that’s not what this post is about.

As soon as I got on the bus, I said on the group chat (Britt, Penny, Hayley and me) that I needed a break, and “see you on Monday.” That chat was a place where I could be totally myself, and not worry about what other people think, because they wouldn’t ever see it. Tables have turned and I’m not sure how I feel about it not being anywhere near as safe as I imagined it. Secrets get out, and I guess you could say it’s my fault for putting them in there in the first place.

Because of that, I’ve distanced myself from the chat, without a specific time I plan on being back; I don’t want to say something on there that ends up getting out again. Although I’ve muted the chat notifications, I still see the most recent message every time I go on to text Ashley. She’s been amazing with the whole dilemma, and promises to deny it if anyone finds out and asks. It’s probably good for you to know that even writing this is making me shake and shiver a little.

Usually, the messages are “JATM COME BACK” or “where the hell did Jatm go?”. If you ask me, I think it’s a slight invasion of privacy, when I quite clearly stated that I needed a break.

And that’s the main point of this post.

When people need a break from reality, don’t push them to come back. 

By prying, you might feel like you’re getting closer to that person, but  they’re stepping back further and further every time. Eventually, it’ll be harder for them to come back.

Space and time are vital to get your thoughts straight for some people, and disrespecting that, whether you realise it or not, could just add to the anxiety that they’re already feeling and force a distance between the two of you. Please, if there’s someone you know that has asked for space, just give it to them. Chances are, for them to have asked for space, they must really need it.

Think of it as a round-about – those spinny things in playgrounds? Maybe their round-about has gone spinning, and they’re getting dizzier and dizzier until they can’t think straight. The logical thing to do is to sit still, and relax. But if other people try getting onto that round-about while they’ve just started to get it under control, it’ll wobble, and it might even start spinning again. Don’t be the person that makes them lose that control again…

On that note, that’s the end of today’s post. I know, I posted yesterday, but I needed to get some thoughts out into the open, and it’s safe to say that it’s helped significantly. Thanks so much for reading; if you didn’t, I’d really have nobody to talk to about this ❤

Just Average Teen Me

 

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It Happened Again

Hi,

I’m Just Average Teen Me. If you’re wondering what I mean by ‘it’, I mean a few things actually. First off: people betraying my trust, and second: panic attack. For my newer readers, I had a panic attack in October 2015, and since then it’d only been minor shake-ups. Well, today that changed. And I’m pretty freaking terrified to say the least.

I’ll take you through everything that’s happened today, so I can set the scene and let you know what caused it and whatnot.

Everything was completely fine until French, at about 12:00. To be specific, it got a whole lot better, because I ended up with 100% on a vocabulary test which is pretty cool. A (freaking annoying, I might add) guy in my French who sits across the classroom shouted my name, asking what I got. I told him. It was right then that today became the worst day this year, if not in the last two years.

“Britt told me who you like”

Obviously, my first thought was, ‘she would never’, so I said to him “She doesn’t even know.” You’ll probably know, that was a lie. She knows about Flynn. So, this guy proceeds to say that he knows, and then says “Do you want me to whisper across the classroom?” and I told him I’d rather he didn’t. He ignored.

Cupping his mouth, he lip-synced his name: first and last. Britt had told him, and I had no idea why. Of all the people to tell, he’s one of the worst. I said “I promise you, I don’t” and turned back around to my work, refusing to turn around again. Gradually, I could feel my whole face burning up, and I was completely freaking out on the inside. From there, I went into rebound chatty mode, where I talked insane amounts and about anything I possibly could to anyone I could. My knees were shaking and I was completely terrified, but I couldn’t show it.

Lunch time rolls on, and I went to find Britt and Hayley. The first actual sentence I said was “I’m going to kill you.” which may seem a little harsh, but I guess it was a little sarcastic. She played the ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’ until I said the guy she told’s name – then she turned around and laughed. Laughed. 

Turns out, she told at least 5 other people. He came up in conversation in one of her lessons, and she told the people in her group. From there, she was talking about how “it doesn’t really matter”; “they don’t care” and “why do you care what they think anyway?”. I told her that it really wasn’t okay. As soon as they (Penny and Britt) found out Flynn even existed, I made them both swear to secrecy. Both of them have betrayed that, and it’s pretty safe to say that I’m trusting neither of them ever again.

As soon as I got off the bus, and began to walk home, I felt my breathing pick up, and by the time I got upstairs, into the bathroom and had a drink, I was more than convinced I was about to throw up. I wound up pacing around my bedroom (there’s only enough space for about three steps until reaching a wall or my bed). It was then that I realised I was having a panic attack. Tears were brewing at my eyes, all moisture in my mouth disappeared, my throat felt like it was closing, my whole body was shaking and shivering with cold sweats, my balance was pretty bad (although the pacing probably didn’t help it) and my stomach was still churning. It lasted about 15 minutes, which is shorter than the one in October, but the feeling of dread was just as bad – if not worse.

Distinctly,  remember saying “stop it” and “woman up” over and over, begging it to go away as I trembled, but it didn’t do much. I was biting my finger and gripping at my trouser leg. Babysitting my two-year-old brother while drinking excessive amounts of water helped to send it away, partly because I didn’t want him to see me cry.

I’ve just got off facetime with Ashley, who told me not to worry, although I’m pretty sure I have some reason to… I’m still terrified and I really don’t want to go back to school on Monday… Have you ever been in a similar situation?

BYE! 😀

Just Average Teen Me

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44 Crush Things

Hi,

I’m Just Average Teen Me. As you might remember me saying about a month ago, I’ve sort of developed a crush on someone in my year, so I thought it would be fun to share some of the things and emotions (because they’re all over the place) that come with infatuation. ❤

  1. Realising you have a crush and feeling the mixture of excitement and “oh snap what is this”
  2. Telling someone about it, and fearing for your life for the first few weeks of them knowing
  3. Watching romance films and slowly dying (The Notebook and A Walk to Remember are two of my favourites. Both will more than likely make you cry, so if you’re watching them, get the tissues ready!)
  4. Social media stalking (who doesn’t?)
  5. Sending your friends on undercover missions to follow request them on Instagram
  6. And then subtly asking for their photos (okay, I know, I’m creepy)
  7. Beating yourself up because he’s  a popular guy that you’ve never even spoken to and this whole crush is completely superficial
  8. Googling quotes about crushes and reading through them until you reach the end of Google
  9. Convincing yourself you don’t have a crush on them, but then seeing them in person and YUP DEFINITELY STILL HAVE A CRUSH
  10. Forever wishing you had lessons with them
  11. And then finding out that one of your friends spends several hours a week next to them in lessons (the jealousy is real)
  12. Going to bed wishing that you dream about them
  13. That rush of adrenaline walking past them, sweaty hands and a pounding heart
  14. Taking any and all evidence that they aren’t as bad as they seem
  15. Begging for details when your friends spoke to them
  16. “HE OFFERED YOU HIS BLAZER?!” (I’m not kidding this actually happened. He bottle flipped, ended up drenching Hayley, and then offered her his blazer. *swoons*)
  17. Walking around where they hang out
  18. Finding out that he’s in a lesson next door to you, and finding out by looking through a door (it’s a clear door between two classrooms) and seeing him right there (sudden panic amiright?)
  19. Genuinely not knowing whether him seeing you is a good thing or not, because you look like a potato but he’d know you exist… Dilemmas
  20. Finding yourself smiling and then realising you’re thinking of him
  21. Giggling at random points in conversation when he’s brought up
  22. And trying not to when you’re with people that don’t know that you like him
  23. Always having a specific song for every new crush
  24. That look your friends give you when he enters the room
  25. And the look you give back willing them to shut up
  26. But still trying to glance at them every now and then
  27. Accidental eye contact and literally dying
  28. The Crush Song. If you haven’t heard it, let me enlighten you (it’s at the end of the list)
  29. Convincing yourself that you aren’t doing your hair differently for him, it’s for you
  30. Your friends find the whole situation rather hilarious. Britt once burst out laughing because Flynn was looking into our maths room… :/
  31. The blushing 😮
  32. Stalking on social media even more
  33. Crush playlists
  34. Critiquing the things they do like you’re their mother
  35. The relief of seeing them drinking Lucozade instead of alcohol like the rest of their friends
  36. Wondering what they’re doing right now
  37. Telepathically trying to make them think of you
  38. When you think he’s single and you become Katniss volunteering for the Hunger Games
  39. If you could feel my pulse right now, it would hit you like a sledgehammer (jams)
  40. Looking forward to Monday because school is the only place you see them
  41. And feeling so disappointed when they aren’t in
  42. When they haven’t seen your amazing Snapchat yet (I don’t know Snapchat terminology, nor do I actually have it on my phone, but I know that Penny deals with this all the time)
  43. Cute song lyrics ❤
  44. Thanking his parents for giving him a common name so my friends can’t guess which ‘Flynn’ it is 😉

And that’s everything! I hope you enjoyed reading, and could relate to some of these!

HAPPY CRUSHING!

Just Average Teen Me

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I Trusted You…

Hi,

I’m Just Average Teen Me. You might remember a post I did a little over a month ago, called Trying to Trust, where I told you all about how I told my friends about a guy in my year that I maybe, kind of like a little bit. If you’ve got an even better memory, you’ll know that I codenamed him Flynn, probably because I freaking love Flynn Rider from Tangled. ❤

Before today, I hadn’t regretted telling them (Penny, Britt and Hayley) because if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t know that Hayley spends three hours a week sat next to him in Geography lessons, or the random times where he’s asked Penny for chewing gum, or that he jokingly put his arm around Britt at some point. Basically, all was going swell, and I’d made them swear not to tell anyone.

Today though, as you have probably predicted, something changed. As I said in the other post, I like to keep things to myself, and I rarely trust anyone with any secrets. And today I was reminded just why.

To set the scene, the canteen is open from about 8:15 for people who either want somewhere to sit, or need breakfast before school starts. Penny, Ashley, Rachel and myself were all sat at a four person table. Penny and Ashley on one side, Rachel and me on the other. It’s no secret that between us all, there are numerous inside jokes and ships between friendship groups and whatnot. On the WhatsApp group chat with me, Britt, Penny and Hayley, there’s a message of dream ships (couples, otps, pairings – whatever you want to call them) and Penny said that she wanted to show everyone.

Quickly remembering that on there, it said ‘Jatm and Flynn’, I told Penny to stop, and she copied the text into a note so she could delete the ‘Flynn’ from it, before showing Rachel and Ashley. However, she didn’t delete Britt and a girl she likes. As you can imagine, Rachel and Ashley were pretty shocked about Britt’s ship, and no matter how we tried to tell them it was a joke, they still didn’t buy it.

I’m not completely sure what happened, but Penny ended up back on the chat, and had the original message on her phone screen. I said something along the lines of “Oh my God, Penny, get off the chat!” but she just held it closer to her chest, and started moving it into view with her hand gestures. I panicked, and grabbed the phone, doing everything I could to hide the screen, but somehow, it wasn’t enough.

“WHO’S FLYNN?!” Ashley shouted, and Rachel chimed in, too.

At this point, I was definitely freaking out, but thankfully there are at least 6 different guys with the same name, so there was a pretty wide variety of options. Nonetheless, they guessed it was him, along with every other Flynn in my year. I refused to answer to any of them. What really confused me was: Why didn’t Penny get it off the screen?

At this point, I’m 90% sure that Rachel knows exactly who it is, and the rest, well, I’d say I’m about 70% sure they’ll figure it out pretty soon.

After pacing around my bedroom, my head filled with what ifs and how and why and what am I gonna do, I’ve decided that I can take a lesson away from this: to keep things I don’t want other people to know, purely to myself, because anyone can betray your trust.

It might sound really stupid that this is all over a crush, but I’m a very private person, and rarely share things like that, so when it gets out of where I wanted it, I kind of have an emotional break-down…

As of right now, I have the WhatsApp group chat muted. They’ve realised that I’ve been missing, and Penny has said that she knows I’m annoyed, and briefly said she’s sorry. If I’m being completely honest, it sounds like she’s trying to make it seem like it wasn’t all her fault (if you sk me, I’m pretty sure it was). I’m trying not to jump right in and say “it’s okay” because I always forgive people way too quickly, and make it seem like I can brush it off, when in reality I’m dying on the inside, not to mention, it really isn’t okay.

Have you been in a similar situation?

BYE! 😀

Just Average Teen Me

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Thoughts on The 2016 Election

Hi,

I’m Just Average Teen Me. Unless you’ve literally been living under a rock for the last few days, you’ll know that a few days ago, the election results were announced. I have a bunch of opinions about the whole thing, and I thought it’d be interesting to share them with you all.

As I live in the UK, I won’t experience the changes as much as people actually living in the USA, although I’ll probably get some of it. Not to mention, I’m half American (my dad moved here to marry my mum) so I have loads of family living over there anyway.

First off, I was actually thinking that Hillary would win, mainly because most of the people I follow on my personal Twitter account were, and still are Hillary supporters. Watching the TV as those thoughts were demolished, I’ll admit that I was a little choked up, genuinely fearing for the future. Donald Trump was the 2016 President-Elect.

The only thing I could really think of was how insane it was that so many people voted for such a man. Donald Trump is a racist, a sexist, homophobic and now, America, he is going to be your President. And that is nobody’s fault but your own. To people that voted, you did your best to make a difference, and maybe, in this case you did, but to those of you that had the opportunity to vote, didn’t and are now complaining about your new President,  I hope you realise that you really could have made a difference. Don’t complain if you did nothing to change the future.

Obviously, there are people making speculations and predictions of whether there’ll be another President assassination, but does that really make the situation any better? All we can do now, is try to fight against hatred, using peace. No riots, no violence, and certainly no assassinations.

Donald Trump will be the President, living in the White House in just a few months, and there’s nothing you can do about it. We just have to trust that he’ll be a good leader for the next four years, and that people in power will stop ridiculous new laws or ‘walls’ from becoming real. Trump doesn’t have all the power in the world, contrary to some beliefs. His ideas have to go past Congress first, and most of them, well, I doubt they will.

In the mean time, people who have suddenly become explicitly racist, sexist and homophobic are just proving that we can only fight this with peace and respect.

I wish America all he best with the next few years – you’re going to need it!

Also, aren’t you just going to miss the Obamas? They were so incredible and I’m sure the whole word will miss them.

BYE! 😀

Just Average Teen Me

P.S. I’m really sorry for being so… absent lately. Homework has been insane, as has life in general. Hoping to get a little more on track soon 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Rambling About Life

Hi,

I’m Just Average Teen Me. I know, my blogging schedule is still messed up, but after this post, I’ll try to get it as normal as I can. As I write this, it’s Wednesday evening, and I’m pretty damn tired if I say so myself, probably because today was my first day back in school after just under two weeks off… Up at 6:45 is not great when I’m used to 9:30… :/

Anyways, I feel like it’s been a while since I just rambled about what in the world is going on in my life, and as boring as it may be, I’m hoping some of you might be the tiniest bit interested. After all, this is a blog, and people share their lives on blogs, right? I should know this stuff; I’ve been blogging for about a year and a half already!

OOOOOOH IMPORTANT UPDATE: I was in Blackpool Pleasure Beach on Tuesday, with two of my sisters, and remember that photographer? Well, I saw him agaiiiiiiiin! And we spoke to him. You guys, I promise he is literally the most attractive person I’ve ever seen in my life. If you happen to be in Pleasure Beach one day, walk from the Avalanche, up that bridge and towards the Big Dipper – chances are, you’ll see him along the way ❤

While we’re on the topic, I thought I might as well bring up Flynn. I told you all about him a little while ago, I can’t remember exactly but it was fairly close by. Still haven’t spoken to him, nor do I plan on doing any time soon. HOWEVER, he sits next to Hayley for 3 hours a week in geography (the jealousy is real), and may be going on the geography trip that I’m on next year… One can only hope 😀

Hmmm what else has been going on in my life…?

Ohhh I guess there’s this young chemistry teacher that Penny has a crush on. We’ve had this huge, ongoing, innuendo-type inside-joke about him for months now, and Tyler decided to shout our codename for him across the R.E. classroom. As you can imagine, the whole classroom erupted with guesses, and even the teacher was asking who it was. I kid you not, I genuinely thought I was in a nightmare, and was pretty terrified after I didn’t wake up. Thankfully, that died down within a day or two, so we’re still safe.

About two weeks ago, though, Penny, Ashley, Rachel and Regina were all helping out at an after-school parents’ evening. One of the languages teachers is in on Penny’s teacher crush, and was stood nearby while said Chemistry teacher was stood even nearer. So, Penny, Regina, Ashley and Rachel were sat at a desk in the foyer, sobbing with laughter. We’re guessing that the Chemistry teacher caught on, because he walked up to Penny and said, in a whispery voice: “Ohh Penny.” and her last name. She described the voice as:

Imagine a super-villain has just tied up his enemy. Imagine they are tied to a chair and they can’t move, he’s holding them hostage. He says “Well well well look what we have here” in a loud whispery voice.

Like that.

From that description, I had a pretty good idea of what it sounded like… How about you?

Okay so that’s kind of where this post ended up going! Hopefully, I haven’t bored you to death. Do let me know if I did, and I’ll try not to do it that often, but if you liked it then maybe I could make it a more frequent thing, since I really enjoyed writing it myself! 😀

BYE! 😀

-Just Average Teen Me