Shocker, Awkwardsaurus is back. Anyways, I’m in an odd mood at the moment, and I thought I’d write down (type up) some of my thoughts just to get them out and see if anyone else is feeling similar.
It started because I said that not much of anything eventful has happened in the last while. It feels like the last few weeks have blurred together and I’m just floating around in the middle somewhere. Or like I’m stuck here being pushed along by time. And when I think back to what’s actually happened, it just seems like schoolwork and revision.
That being said, there’s that one incident of seeing Flynn cheekily stick his tongue out at someone which may have left me literally speechless but that’s for another time. 😉
I feel like it’s starting to hit me that I’m getting to a point that really matters. I’m in Year 10, so I’m about half way through my GCSE courses. In October, I’m leaving the country without my family for a school trip. I’ll be in a foreign country, without my best friends and without my family. I have zero clue what I want to take at college, let alone what I want to do with my life.
It’s slowly getting closer to when I won’t see my friends every single day – I’ll have made new ones. And today’s crushes will be yesterday’s embarrassment.
For one of the first times, I’m willing the time to go slower. So I can appreciate everything I have while I still have it, because in a year and a half, I’ll have left high school, and as far away as it seems, the last year and a half have gone insanely quickly. I guess you could say I’m scared that this year and a half will go just as fast.
It’s a pretty stark contrast to the me just over two years ago. I’d convinced myself that I could make it through another four years without friends, that I could hang out alone for the rest of my high school life. I was begging for time to go quicker so I could just get it over with.
I didn’t think I’d end up with the friends I have now. I’ve never told anyone as much about me as I have to Britt and Penny, whether they told the secrets or not. They’re my best friends, and it’s scary to think that one day they might just be a reminiscent memory of my teenage life.
So from now, I plan to focus more on the present, not worry about what will happen in the future, or dwell on what’s already happened in the past.
If any of you have felt similar, it’d be great to hear in the comments ❤
See you next time