Haunted by Old Expectations

Hey there…

I’ve had a pretty intense week, with a lot of drama within my friendship group, so I’m a little emotionally drained at the moment. That does mean that things are getting to me more easily, and I’m getting emotional over little things. One of those things happens to be my A-Levels.

I know, I’m in Year 10, not college, but this time next year I’ll need to know what I want to take for my A-Levels. That’s five subjects that I have to chose. At this point, I only know I want to do geography. 

It’s no secret in my actual life that the numbers I get on exams happen to be higher than average. However I haven’t really mentioned it on my blog before because it’s a stereotype I get labelled with a lot (the smart girl really isn’t the best way to be known) and I wanted to keep that separate from here. But yeah. I’m not Einstein or anything, and to be quite honest, I don’t think I’m as intelligent as people assume I am.

Anyways, for the last few years I was set on studying medicine and becoming a doctor. My mum had encouraged me for years to go to Oxford or Cambridge University, the top unis in the UK for those of you that don’t know, and I went along with it.

But earlier this year, I did a post about how I felt lost, and didn’t want to do any of that anymore. I still have zero clue what I want to be when I’m older, but the subject I enjoy the most in school is Geography. 

With new UK exam grades (1-9, 9 being the highest) it’s more difficult to get top grades, which will really separate the people who get full marks from the ones that previously scraped an A*. Some may say unfortunately, but I definitely will not be coming out on results day with a string of 9s. Probably a mixture of 8s and 7s, which frankly isn’t high enough for Oxford or Cambridge. So I decided to knock some sense into my head and realise that it was slightly unpractical to think about.

My parents aren’t all too happy. They seem to think that all of my A-Level choices will be academic, with the majority being maths and sciences. If you ask me, that sounds like hell. I’d much rather do philosophy and geography with a few others. 

I quote this, by the way. My parents said “you can’t do dumb subjects.” and that they don’t want me to “ruin my chances” 

Personally, I think that it’s more important for me to be doing subjects that I know I can do well, and that I’ll enjoy whilst doing well, but they don’t seem to care much about the enjoyment.

I know, I have a year and a bit to go, but I really don’t like the idea that my parents might be deciding my own future for me, and it’s making me feel pretty trapped.

Any thoughts?

See y’all around ❤

–Awkwardsaurus