Frankly, I need somewhere to rant. So I’ve ended up here because I know you’ll listen.
I feel like crap. Right now, I feel worse than I’ve felt in quite a good while, and I’m about to give you a few of the reasons why.
Today was destined to be boring as hell, since my laptop has decided to give up within the last few days. Broken? I’m not sure if it’ll ever work again or if it’s finally breathed it’s last. I’m hoping it’s just having some time off.. We all need some every now and then, right?
For a few hours, I’d been alternating between scrolling through social media and colouring in my Enchanted Forest book. So far, alright. Could be better, could be worse – will be worse.
A few hours ago, Penny told me that one of her closest friends likes Flynn (the guy who’s been taking up a lot of my mind from school) and that he “flirts with her”. Turns out she’s also going on the Italy trip in October. Along with me, Flynn and two other girls that like him. Four of us. Four girls that like the same guy. If you haven’t gathered, he’s extremely attractive, hence the slight fanbase he has going on.
After then, I spiralled into the mental state I’m kind of in at the moment. Where has liking this guy actually got me? It’s completely idealistic, since I’ve only spoken to him twice. It’s all based off how I want his personality to be, because he’s good-looking and matches my type insanely well. Not to mention, he’s one of the more popular people in my year, and I’m well … not one of the popular girls. So I guess you could say it’s useless. And finding out about all these other girls with such higher chances just doesn’t do anything for it either.
That’s all? I’m just gloomy over not having chances with some jerk? Not quite.
After sitting in my own conscience for a bit, I decided to post on an Instagram fan account I have. The caption was a condensed version of everything above this point. Including referring to him as “the popular guy”. All seemed fine.
Until it didn’t say I was on my fan account.
Somehow, I’d been logged out of the fan account, and had just posted that onto my personal account. Over 100 people from my school year and some from other years follow me on there. I’d deleted it as soon as I could, and it ended up on for about a minute. Maybe a little longer. Combined with the fact that I rarely post, people probably got the notification of “Awkwardsaurus posted for the first time in a while”. There’s no way of knowing how many people saw – or if they saw for that matter.
I sat with my eyes shut, breathing heavily for about 10 minutes, and then came to write this post while listening to the depressing music playlist on Spotify…
I’m sorry for being dramatic, it’s really nothing but it’s just making me feel rubbish…