Posted in Blolidays, Uncategorized

BLOLIDAYS #1 – Summer 2017 Playlist

HELLO AND WELCOME TO MY ANNUAL SERIES – BLOLIDAYS.

Every week (although I’ve missed two Saturdays so this is me making up for that) in the 6 week school holidays, I’ll have a summery post, flying into the world wide web, for you all to read! Summer used to be one of my least favourite seasons, because I don’t really enjoy the feeling of sweating my entire face of makeup off, and probably the skin underneath, leaving me sitting in a pool of wet clothes and a messy face. However, since then, I’ve grown to love it! But what’s a great season with great outings without an even greater playlist?

I present to you…

AWKWARDSAURUS SUMMER 2017 PLAYLIST:

1. Down – Fifth Harmony (are you surprised I kicked it off with my favourite ladies on the planet? I’m not!)

2. Crying in the Club – Camila Cabello (also one of my favourite ladies who is killing it at the moment!)

3. Most Girls – Hailee Steinfeld

4. Anything’s Possible – Lea Michele

5. LA Devotee – Panic! At The Disco

6. The Life – Fifth Harmony

7. Unforgettable – French Montana ft. Swae Lee

8. Five Colours In Her Hair – McFly

9. Homeland – Chord Overstreet

10. Legends – Kelsea Ballerini

11. Your Song – Rita Ora

12. Back To Me – Marian Hill & Lauren Jauregui

13. Cake By The Ocean – DNCE (yes, I still love this song)

14. Everybody Talks – Glee Cast

15. Hard Times – Paramore

16. Know No Better – Major Lazer, Travis Scott, Camila Cabello, Quavo (obsessed)

17. California – Jack & Jack

18. Rose-Coloured Boy – Paramore

19. Heavy Love – Lea Michele

20. Despacito – Luis Fonsi ft. Daddy Yankee

21. Controlla – Drake

22. She’s On My Mind – JP Cooper

23. Cool Side Of The Pillow – Kyle Dion

24. Unwind – Healy

25. Starships – Nicki Minaj (could I resist? No, I couldn’t)

And those are some of my favourites this summer! What have you been jamming out to? And what are your favourite beach day songs?

See you next time! 😀

Awkwardsaurus

 

 

 

 

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Posted in monthly look ahead, Uncategorized

MONTHLY LOOK-AHEAD – AUGUST 2017

Hello blogosphere! I’m back again, and it’s currently 11:09PM. Why am I writing a post at this time? I’m not sure, especially since I’m surviving off very little sleep after a huge TV marathon last night until 4:30AM…. I should be sleeping, but I’ve ended up here.

So what has August got in store for us? Probably nothing very eventful, since I’m not in school until September, but there’ll definitely be some littler things to look forward to!

Back to Blogging

It’s no secret that my blog has been lacking posts in the last few months, and I’ve been even more useless at reading and commenting on other bloggers’ posts. With school out of the way, I’ll have a lot more free time, and a lot less homework (although teachers had really been slacking in that department anyway this year, thankfully). I’m planning on getting way more posts out than usual!

Blolidays

If you were here last year, and I still haven’t managed to scare you away, first, thanks for staying, but more importantly, you might remember a series of posts I did last summer, called Blolidays. It’s a hybrid word of blog and holidays if you hadn’t already noticed, and although I don’t really go on holiday (thanks mother for the huge family), I write a post once a week themed on the holidays. It might be a summer playlist, my favourite clothes, a haul (that one’s coming for sure!) or even just a rant about the things I love in summer.

Brunch Outings

Like last year, my friends and I have planned to meet up a bunch of times in the holidays, and I’m hoping we actually do! Last year, it got to the last weekend of the holidays and we all got hit with “oh sugar we haven’t been out once” so ended up going out then. Regina wants to go to some little cafes for brunch a few times, and I’m a sucker for all things breakfast-y, especially smoothies!

Everything Everything

For those of you that haven’t already gathered, I’m an absolute hopeless romantic, despite never having been in a relationship or anywhere close to one – ever. It’s heartbreaking, I know, but I survive purely off romance movies: the Notebook being one of my all time favourites (even though it makes me ugly-cry so bad). This month – I think – Everything Everything comes out in the UK Cinemas, and I’m so so excited to watch it.

Teen Wolf Season 6B

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I was on a huge TV marathon. Now’s the time where I tell you it was Teen Wolf. I’d planned to rewatch the entire series in time for the new episode that I could watch on Monday (thank you, timezones), but by Sunday morning I was really pushing whether I’d make it in time or not. To make sure I did, I stayed up until 4:30AM. From Wednesday to Monday morning, I’d watched ninety-one episodes of Teen Wolf, which worked out to about two and a half days straight. It’s easily the biggest binge I’ve ever been on in such a short space of time, but I made it, and the new episode WAS SO EXCITING I CAN’T WAIT TO WATCH THE REST OF THE SEASON!!!

Back to School Shopping

As usual, late August comes with restocking on stationery, school uniform, shoes, and the lot. Some people find it really tedious, and a bit depressing, but since me and my friends are all dorks, it’s so exciting, and we set aside a day to go out to a bunch of stationery shops in town. There’s something so refreshing about starting a new year with a whole set of new equipment. Who knows, maybe I’ll even keep my ruler this year? I’ve never managed to keep a ruler – ever; it always seems to go missing, or snap and I end up using those triangle things in maths sets that I still don’t know what they’re used for…. If anyone knows, enlighten me!!

And that’s what’s ahead in the next month! Hopefully, we’ll have some nice weather, and be able to get some outside time! If you’re in the UK, you’ll know our summers usually last all of a three day heatwave and then we’re onto autumn. Let’s see!

See you next time 🙂

Awkwardsaurus

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2 YEAR BLOGIVERSARY

HELLO HELLO HELLO

POP THE CHAMPAGNE AND BLOW UP THE BALLOONS – IT’S MY BLOGIVERSARY.

Maybe without the champagne, though, since I’m 15. . 🙂

2 years ago today, I did a post called “Hello World“, under the name Just Average Teen Me. I know, the name is hella corny, and still to this day makes me want to curl up into a ball and be buried in a hole. Good thing I changed it then, I guess?

Anyways, after making my blog, at the age of 13, I thought it’d be a place where I had posts to write constantly, and ideas flowing heavier than Niagara Falls. If you’ve been here recently (and if any of you are actually left?) you’ll know I’m very very unorganised here… I’m crap at remembering to post, let alone finding the ideas, to put it frankly.

The first year or so, I had a tight schedule of when to post and when not to post, and sometimes that meant being up at 10:30pm (I was 13 okay that was late for a school-night) writing the most rushed and un-related-to-my-life posts I’ve ever seen. Hopefully, you’ll agree I’m past that now, and I try to blog about things that actually hold some shape or form of meaning to what’s going on with me? By the start of 2017, I’d changed my blogging alias to Awkwardsaurus. It fits me a million times better, and makes me want to cry of cringe slightly less.

I mentioned this last year, and I’ll mention it again. After starting my blog, I experienced a few panic attacks: the first in October, and a few others up until now. Without people to talk to, I wouldn’t have recovered as smoothly as I did. I took to WordPress, and told you all how I felt, what caused it, and the fears I had of something like it happening again. I couldn’t talk to anyone else about it, because I felt like they’d just brush it off and say it was nerves (a lot of people really don’t take mental health seriously). You listened, and you helped me. If you hadn’t, I’d have had all that cooped up inside, and it probably would have made my situation even worse.

Blogging has been useful to me, for all the reasons I never thought it would. I thought it’d be easy to gain readers, and have lots of comments as well as likes, but it’s more than that. When I started blogging, I had crazy issues with my self-confidence. I was terrified to even talk to teachers, ordering food or drink from a barista made me shake, and I was constantly convinced that my friends didn’t like me (kind of happened BUT THAT’S BESIDES THE POINT). Obviously, there are a bunch of other factors that played into it, but since then (2015, oh my god that sounds like so long ago) I’ve flourished into a more confident, and happier version of who I was then. Sure, standing in front of the school year still makes me blush and tremble, but I’ve started doing things for me, that I wouldn’t have been able to do before. I’ve made more friends. thanks to not being scared to go and talk to people, I’ve bought things I wouldn’t have before (menstrual cup, anyone?) and I’ve switched to a skirt for school.

If you’re thinking about starting a blog, and you haven’t done already, I can’t stress how much I think you should. Even if just a small part of you thinks it’d be fun, or a way to pass the summer (that’s why I set up this one), just go for it, set up a website here on WordPress, and I’ll be more than happy to help you out!

Anyways, thanks to everyone who’s been stuck in this for the long-haul, and to new readers, too. I know, I’m a pain to keep up with but it means the world to me.

Until next time

Awkwardsaurus

Posted in monthly look ahead, Uncategorized

MONTHLY LOOK-AHEAD: JULY 2017

HELLO HELLO HELLO

I know, we’re three days into July already but EXCUSE MY LATENESS AND LET’S GET ONTO IT BECAUSE JULY IS USUALLY HELLA EVENTFUL.

Travel Day

Every year in July, my school does a trip to Blackpool Pleasure Beach for a day, and we can go around in our own friendship groups, wear our own clothes, and basically do whatever we want. You might remember that there was an extremely attractive photographer when I went last July, and then the following November. But hey, Travel Day is always one of the best days, and it’s actually my last Travel Day since next year I’ll be on study leave!

Sponsored Walk

Another annual event at my school is the sponsored walk: everyone’s families pitch in to sponsor their kids in a walk around the countryside near school. It gets us out of an afternoon of lessons, and it’s a great time to chill out and chat to your friends! Plus, we’ll be in our own clothes!

Summer Holidays

On July 21st (it’s quite late this year) our school will break up for the summer. Year 10 will be over. I’ll probably do a big post on it like I think I did last year? But as much as I’ll miss the people I usually see everyday, it’ll be great to sleep in every morning!

My Blogiversary

July 27th is the day I created my blog. Two whole years ago! At the time, I went by Just Average Teen Me, which I ended up switching for my current name earlier in the year. A Blogiversary is a great way to look back on what’s happened in the span of a year, and this year has definitely had a lot going on!

The Great Gatsby

A few weeks ago, I watched the film starring Leonardo DiCaprio, and it quickly became one of my favourites. Since then, I’d been set on getting my hands on the book, by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Last Saturday, I managed to find it in WH Smith’s (thank you WH Smith’s, you beat Waterstones this time) for £6.99 and I’m currently 3 chapters in. I’m loving it so far and I can’t wait to read the rest!

Everything Everything 

I know, the film came out sometime last month I think, but I haven’t managed to get out and see I yet. As the hopeless romantic that I am, I absolutely love romance movies. They melt my heart, and usually end in a good few tears. This month, I plan to watch it, and I’ll let you know what i think!

And those are the main things in store for this month! See you around 🙂

Awkwardsaurus

Posted in Uncategorized

Hold On to Friendship


Have you ever tasted tears saturated with makeup? It’s a slightly bitter, soap-like tinge, that I had never encountered until last week’s Wednesday. How I got there? Well that’s what this post is for.

Before we begin, it’s definitely useful to list all the significant people I’ll need to be mentioning.

The girl half of my friendship group: me, Britt, Penny, Hayley, Rachel, Regina.

The guy half: Tyler, Theo, Ryder, Elliot, Sam. 

Others from another group: Megan (Elliot’s girlfriend) and Alysha. 

Since October, there’s been a slightly romantic awkwardness between Rachel and Elliot, which wound up with him plucking up the courage to ask her out twice, and be rejected twice. Mind you, the only reason Rachel didn’t say yes was because she was scared. 

Flash forward to early February, and Elliot starts dating Megan. Rachel was pretty destroyed, and I made a little post on it, called Lessons of Love. 

Since then, Elliot has been spending some of his time with Megan’s group, and some with our group, so that he can balance the two. This all seems swell if you ask me, but according to my friends, he’s leaving us. Not to mention the rather strong dislike they’ve built up against Megan since.

A few months on, to last Saturday, Ryder was out at a birthday meal for Alysha with Megan, Elliot, and the rest of the people from that friendship group. On the group chat with Penny, Rachel, Regina and myself, there was a lot of speculation over whether Ryder was dating (or about to be dating) Alysha. Jumping too quickly to conclusions, Rachel took to the full group chat (everyone in our group) with a screenshot of a Wikipedia page for “Judas the Betrayer”. 

The next few school days were packed with a good bit of persistent teasing, and by Tuesday, Ryder had decided to stay with Elliot, Megan, Alysha and their group at break times. Since Theo and Tyler were helping out around school, that left the girls and Sam. Sam clearly felt a little awkward about it, and wound up heading towards the other guys by Wednesday. 

In RE (religious education), Penny, Britt, Rachel and Regina had decided to start afresh, and wipe free the guys because they were abandoning us. They were completely done with the friendship, and had told us all to leave the group chat. They even went to the extent of reintroducing themselves as the new boy-free girls that they were. 

Since the guys are actually some of my longest friends (Elliot was the first person i spoke to in high school, and one of my only friends throughout Year 7), the whole situation was hurting my heart quite a lot, so I engrossed myself in the work we were doing, and kept my opinions to myself.

The bus drive home was havoc, as always on a school bus, but as soon as I’d made it home and closed the door to my bedroom, everything I’d felt all day started pouring out – literally, from my eyes. They welled up slightly at first, and then the tears just didn’t stop. Losing some of my best friends because they think I’m against them (especially when I’m completely the opposite) was heartbreaking to think about, and I was a literal mess. 

It was then that I tasted the tears. Bitter and soapy. I looked in the mirror, and saw the nude coloured drops, meandering down, around my nose and either dropping off my chin or landing on my lips. I hadn’t washed off my makeup yet, and my under eye concealer was definitely not waterproof.

After ignoring hundreds of messages from the girls, begging me to leave the chat, I took to Instagram and created a new group. Me, Ryder, Sam and Elliot. I told them everything, about how I don’t hate them, how I really didn’t want to lose any friends and that I thought the girls were all being unreasonable, as well as hypocritical. 

Sam instantly named the group “sane people chat” and Elliot was full of thanks that I hadn’t “jumped on the bandwagon too”. They all advised me not to mention the chat to the girls, and made sure I knew that if they “give you any shit” for talking to the guys (if they found out, that is), they’d be there.

Since then, we’ve been messaging every day to make up for barely talking in person, and I’ve really proven to myself that I’m in control of things. 

You don’t have to do what your friends say, just because there’s more of them. If you want to be friends with certain people, nobody has any right to stop you. 

I managed to keep every one of my friends, when I could easily have lost about 5. 
Losing friends over silly fallouts isn’t worth it, and it’s important to hold onto the people you care about, as well as the memories you’ve made with them.

Awkwardsaurus

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An Optimist Amongst Pessimists

Hey… I’m writing this super late, since it’s actually past midnight here in the UK.
Within my friendship group, there’s been all sorts of dramas in the last week, and I’ll definitely get another post up soon to explain it all and whatnot, but for now, it’s probably useful to know that there’s been a slight fall out between two halves of our group. 

SO, naturally, the majority of our group are pretty bummed about it. As I’ll explain in the next post, I’m not so much affected since I managed to KEEP MY HEAD OUT OF THE DRAMA (apologies, ahem.) but the rest of the girls in our group seem to have took a big hit from it. 

Bare in mind, this all began last Saturday, and escalated rapidly on Wednesday. Friday (although now it’s Saturday) rolled around and my friends are being painfully pessimistic.

Before I get into the details, I’ll mention that I’m an optimist. I’m a positive thinker, I firmly believe that everything happens with purpose, that nothing is entirely bad and that everything will turn out good in the end. 

My friends however, are quite the opposite. They seem to let one negative thing outrule the entire year of good memories we’ve had in Year 10, saying that “Life is so shit” and “I thought this year would be better”, to which I replied saying that life isn’t bad, and that they were just ignoring all the good that had happened this year.

Just because I don’t outwardly show sadness or pain in person or through dramatic paragraphs, doesn’t mean I don’t ever feel it, so what Britt replied tugged my nerves a little. She’d said that my life is all fine and happy, seemingly implying that everything to happen for me is all sunshine and rainbows. Any frequent reader of this blog will fully understand that that’s not the case. The difference is, as an overall, I try to focus on the things that make me happy. You’ll know that this year I’ve dealt with a lot, including the separation of our friendship group recently. 

“Nothing bad has happened to you this year”. To assume that someone has it perfectly, is a hundred percent unreasonable, if you ask me. So by this point, I was getting a little annoyed and ended up saying “JUST FOCUS ON THE GOOD JESUS WHERE IS YOUR OPTIMISM?”. She replied with “What good?”. 

I understand that people might have stuff going on that we don’t know about, and that it’s perfectly reasonable to feel down from time to time (as we all do), but to blatantly ignore all the times you’ve laughed until you couldn’t breathe, smiled so hard your jaw hurt and physically not been able to hold back from making a little inside joke or smirk is just unfair. Unfair on all the people that would then feel as if they aren’t good enough for you. If nothing is good, then surely that means the friendships aren’t good either?

Being a positive person, surrounded by so much negativity is getting to me a little, and I’m feeling slightly squashed so I needed to have a little rant on here. 

Thank you for listening, and if anyone is hurt by anything I’ve said, I’m sorry.

Awkwardsaurus

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HAIRCARE 101


It’s me again, Awkwardsaurus 🙂

I’m trying to get back on top of posting as frequently as I can, so if you’re confused by more regular posting then this is why. 

(Editing note: I’ve had this post drafted for ages and I know, at this point in time REGULAR POSTING HAHA WHAT IS THAT?)

Anyways, my Sims is loading (Sims 3 if you’re interested), so I thought I’d pass the time by writing another post. 

Ever since being about seven or eight, I’ve had longer than average hair. Currently, it goes down to about two inches above my hips, so frankly, there’s a lot of it to deal with. 
In this post, I’ll be sharing some of my (extremely unprofessional and 100% personal experience/opinion-based) insight on the world of hair. 😀

Know Your Hair Type

Before you go out and try products or methods to look after your locks, it’s important to know what type of hair you actually have. It’s similar to skin types, most falling into either dry, oily or normal. If you find yourself having to wash your hair often because it gets greasy quickly, chances are you have oily hair. If you’re the opposite, and it takes a few days to build up oils, you probably have dry hair (hello, me too). If neither seem to fit, then you might have normal hair.

Buy Shampoo Designed for Your Hair Type

Don’t be wary to buy Shampoo with rather long names or claims. Mine’s the L’oréal Elvive Extraordinary Oil Nourishing Shampoo for Very Dry, Dull, Rebellious Hair. How’s that for a title? The point is, you shouldn’t be intimidated by all the words and end up buying a simple looking shampoo that doesn’t suit your hair type. Trust me, you’ll know when you find one that does!

Turn Down the Heat

Straighteners, curling irons, hairdryers. They’re all pretty hot. Sure, you can’t exactly cut out straighteners or curlers from your life if you’re a frequent user, but hairdryers usually have a heat setting. The coldest one is impractical, since it takes about 5 years to dry all of my hair, but the middle setting is the compromise I settle for. With styling tools, make sure you protect your hair with a heat protector!

Be Gentle

I once read a saying that said to treat your hair like it’s your best silk dress. I can’t remember when I came across it, but it’s stuck in my head ever since. Don’t tug it violently when you’re brushing out tangles; don’t scrub it aggressively with a towel; and try not to have it constantly in tight styles (I know that one’s tough when you literally live in ponytails).

Sleep With Hair Down

Tying (hehe puns) in with my last point, too much straining of your hair causes the strands to point in unnatural directions, essentially stunting their growth. If you want to grow out your hair, it’s definitely a good idea to give the bobbles a break and take it down while you sleep!

Get it Cut!!!

Without getting your hair cut, you’ll develop split ends, which – for those of you that aren’t aware – are hairs that have, well, split down the centre and become two thinner ends. Cutting your hair keeps it healthy, and prevents it from splitting!

And those are some of my tips! What are some of your hair hacks?

Awkwardsaurus​

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CONCERT VIBES

WHY HELLO THERE PEOPLE 

As you can see, this post will definitely be a lot more light-hearted than some of my recent ones. 

Just over a month ago, I went to see Shawn Mendes live on his Illuminate tour when he was in the UK. Ashley’s parents bought her tickets for her and a friend, and I happened to be one of Ashley’s only friends who likes Shawn’s music. Thought I was about to say one of her only friends? 😉

It was after school, but the Meet & Greet that Ashley had been to was at 2pm. That meant I had to go with Ashley’s Grandma, who I hadn’t actually met prior to that day. She and Ashley’s mum were watching the convert too, just in slightly further away seats. Anyway, the drive there was fine, and Ashley’s Grandma was lovely. She was pointing out various little places on the way there that she’d grown up in.

Once we’d arrived and successfully passed the pat-down, we had to wait in line for quite a while, but eventually managed to get in, find Ashley’s mum, and then make our way to the seats after a quick stop for some Galaxy Minstrels and a Sprite. 

Our seats were much closer than I’d imagined, on the bottom side, but not on the floor, if you get what I mean? After slowly screaming with Ashley about how she’d managed to ask him a question in the Q&A, the supporting act, JamesTW started to perform. I hadn’t actually heard of him before, but his songs were beautiful, and I’m extremely jealous of his guitar skills. 😉 I’m still slightly disappointed Shawn didn’t bring out Camila Cabello or Jack & Jack but hey. 😀

The sheer noise of thousands of fangirling screaming as Shawn finally graced the stage was insane. It was so much louder than anything I think I’ve ever experienced but the adrenaline somehow meant we could all cope with it. The opening song was There’s Nothing Holding Me Back, one of his newest. 

My favourite has to be Lights On, which is easily my favourite of his songs anyway. There’s something so heartwarming about hearing one of your favourite songs sang live by the artist, that just can’t be explained until you’ve experienced it. 

Throughout the performance, I called my little sister about four times, since she’s probably a bigger Shawn Mendes fan than I am myself. I made sure she got to hear her favourite – Kid In Love. Whether any of the words were distinguishable over the screeching, I have no clue, but let’s just hope they were. 🙂

At around 9pm, it hit me that Fifth Harmony had been in that room before. And in that moment, I had a slight mental crisis. I snapchatted Britt, Hayley, Regina, Rachel and Penny with my face saying “hi dudes this is the closest I’ve ever been to Lauren Jauregui” and that pretty much sums it up. 🙂

Never Be Alone was super moving and as the whole audience joined in for the last chorus. Shawn said something about how he could hear the British accent, but the sound of a whole crowd singing together was so beautiful. Knowing you’re a part of thousands of people all united by the same thing was so empowering, and easily one of my favourite moments of the night.

The concert ended on Treat You Better, which was crazily loud but insanely good. After then, we made our way out and met up with Ashley’s mum and grandma.

 I ended up home for around 11:30pm after a long drive from the arena. 

After all that, it only made me want to see some of my other favourites live even more! 

And that’s all for now! Who’ve you ever seen live?

Awkwardsaurus

Posted in monthly look ahead, Uncategorized

MONTHLY LOOK-AHEAD: JUNE 2017

Why hello there internet!

I know, it’s been way too long since I last posted… My laptop has been pretty dead (literally will not go anywhere from a white screen) so I hadn’t really gotten around to blogging. While I do have the WordPress app, I much prefer to write on my laptop… But looks like the app will have to do for now!

Okay with that explanation done, it’s time to see what’s lying in the month ahead!

No More PR

For those of you that don’t know, for the last four weeks or so, I’d been dealing with a condition called Pityriasis Rosea. To sum it up, I had an itchy rash with red blotches across my chest, stomach, inner arms and upper thighs. My self confidence took a huge hit, and in the last few days, all that’s been left is some areas of dry skin and I am so ready for a month without PR… ❤

Warm Weather

If you’re in the UK, you’ll more than likely have experienced the heat we had a couple weeks ago. Where I live, it got to about 29°C, which would be 84°F for any of my readers in the US. For the UK, that’s pretty hot, and hopefully reflects a nice warm summer on the way!

The Start of Summer

While we’re on the topic, summer officially starts in late June. I can never remember if it’s 20th, 21st or 22nd, but I’m fairly sure it’s definitely one of them! Strangely, I’m not usually excited for summer but this year I’ve definitely been feeling it!

Birthdays, Birthdays, Birthdays!

In the space of three days around mid June, it’s my brother’s birthday, sister’s birthday and then Rachel’s birthday. It’s pretty hectic, but so exciting nonetheless. I’m not a huge fan of my own birthday, but I love other people’s birthdays!!

The General Election

Jeremy Corbyn VS Theresa May. As I write this, we’re 4 days away from the adults of the UK voting for our new prime minister. While I’m not in that age range, I can’t stress enough how important it is for those of you who are in that age range to get out and vote! With the state that the world is in at the moment, it’s the least you can do to try and make a difference. SO MAKE SURE YOU VOTE!

Guitar Grade 6

At the end of the month, I’ll have my guitar exam. For those of you who don’t know, in the exam, I have to perform 3 music pieces, play a variety of scales and arpeggios, sight read (play music I’ve never seen before) and then do some aural (identifying things like key changes, cadences, note intervals and whatnot). Despite the fact that I’m ridiculously unprepared, I’m excited to get this out of the way.

And that’s most of what’s going on in June! See you next time! 🙂

Awkwardsaurus

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Feeling Lowest of the Low

Frankly, I need somewhere to rant. So I’ve ended up here because I know you’ll listen.
I feel like crap. Right now, I feel worse than I’ve felt in quite a good while, and I’m about to give you a few of the reasons why.

Today was destined to be boring as hell, since my laptop has decided to give up within the last few days. Broken? I’m not sure if it’ll ever work again or if it’s finally breathed it’s last. I’m hoping it’s just having some time off.. We all need some every now and then, right?

For a few hours, I’d been alternating between scrolling through social media and colouring in my Enchanted Forest book. So far, alright. Could be better, could be worse – will be worse. 

A few hours ago, Penny told me that one of her closest friends likes Flynn (the guy who’s been taking up a lot of my mind from school) and that he “flirts with her”. Turns out she’s also going on the Italy trip in October. Along with me, Flynn and two other girls that like him. Four of us. Four girls that like the same guy. If you haven’t gathered, he’s extremely attractive, hence the slight fanbase he has going on.

After then, I spiralled into the mental state I’m kind of in at the moment. Where has liking this guy actually got me? It’s completely idealistic, since I’ve only spoken to him twice. It’s all based off how I want his personality to be, because he’s good-looking and matches my type insanely well. Not to mention, he’s one of the more popular people in my year, and I’m well … not one of the popular girls. So I guess you could say it’s useless. And finding out about all these other girls with such higher chances just doesn’t do anything for it either.

That’s all? I’m just gloomy over not having chances with some jerk? Not quite.

After sitting in my own conscience for a bit, I decided to post on an Instagram fan account I have. The caption was a condensed version of everything above this point. Including referring to him as “the popular guy”. All seemed fine.

 Until it didn’t say I was on my fan account. 

Somehow, I’d been logged out of the fan account, and had just posted that onto my personal account. Over 100 people from my school year and some from other years follow me on there. I’d deleted it as soon as I could, and it ended up on for about a minute. Maybe a little longer. Combined with the fact that I rarely post, people probably got the notification of “Awkwardsaurus posted for the first time in a while”. There’s no way of knowing how many people saw – or if they saw for that matter.

I sat with my eyes shut, breathing heavily for about 10 minutes, and then came to write this post while listening to the depressing music playlist on Spotify…

I’m sorry for being dramatic, it’s really nothing but it’s just making me feel rubbish…

Awkwardsaurus