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Hold On to Friendship


Have you ever tasted tears saturated with makeup? It’s a slightly bitter, soap-like tinge, that I had never encountered until last week’s Wednesday. How I got there? Well that’s what this post is for.

Before we begin, it’s definitely useful to list all the significant people I’ll need to be mentioning.

The girl half of my friendship group: me, Britt, Penny, Hayley, Rachel, Regina.

The guy half: Tyler, Theo, Ryder, Elliot, Sam. 

Others from another group: Megan (Elliot’s girlfriend) and Alysha. 

Since October, there’s been a slightly romantic awkwardness between Rachel and Elliot, which wound up with him plucking up the courage to ask her out twice, and be rejected twice. Mind you, the only reason Rachel didn’t say yes was because she was scared. 

Flash forward to early February, and Elliot starts dating Megan. Rachel was pretty destroyed, and I made a little post on it, called Lessons of Love. 

Since then, Elliot has been spending some of his time with Megan’s group, and some with our group, so that he can balance the two. This all seems swell if you ask me, but according to my friends, he’s leaving us. Not to mention the rather strong dislike they’ve built up against Megan since.

A few months on, to last Saturday, Ryder was out at a birthday meal for Alysha with Megan, Elliot, and the rest of the people from that friendship group. On the group chat with Penny, Rachel, Regina and myself, there was a lot of speculation over whether Ryder was dating (or about to be dating) Alysha. Jumping too quickly to conclusions, Rachel took to the full group chat (everyone in our group) with a screenshot of a Wikipedia page for “Judas the Betrayer”. 

The next few school days were packed with a good bit of persistent teasing, and by Tuesday, Ryder had decided to stay with Elliot, Megan, Alysha and their group at break times. Since Theo and Tyler were helping out around school, that left the girls and Sam. Sam clearly felt a little awkward about it, and wound up heading towards the other guys by Wednesday. 

In RE (religious education), Penny, Britt, Rachel and Regina had decided to start afresh, and wipe free the guys because they were abandoning us. They were completely done with the friendship, and had told us all to leave the group chat. They even went to the extent of reintroducing themselves as the new boy-free girls that they were. 

Since the guys are actually some of my longest friends (Elliot was the first person i spoke to in high school, and one of my only friends throughout Year 7), the whole situation was hurting my heart quite a lot, so I engrossed myself in the work we were doing, and kept my opinions to myself.

The bus drive home was havoc, as always on a school bus, but as soon as I’d made it home and closed the door to my bedroom, everything I’d felt all day started pouring out – literally, from my eyes. They welled up slightly at first, and then the tears just didn’t stop. Losing some of my best friends because they think I’m against them (especially when I’m completely the opposite) was heartbreaking to think about, and I was a literal mess. 

It was then that I tasted the tears. Bitter and soapy. I looked in the mirror, and saw the nude coloured drops, meandering down, around my nose and either dropping off my chin or landing on my lips. I hadn’t washed off my makeup yet, and my under eye concealer was definitely not waterproof.

After ignoring hundreds of messages from the girls, begging me to leave the chat, I took to Instagram and created a new group. Me, Ryder, Sam and Elliot. I told them everything, about how I don’t hate them, how I really didn’t want to lose any friends and that I thought the girls were all being unreasonable, as well as hypocritical. 

Sam instantly named the group “sane people chat” and Elliot was full of thanks that I hadn’t “jumped on the bandwagon too”. They all advised me not to mention the chat to the girls, and made sure I knew that if they “give you any shit” for talking to the guys (if they found out, that is), they’d be there.

Since then, we’ve been messaging every day to make up for barely talking in person, and I’ve really proven to myself that I’m in control of things. 

You don’t have to do what your friends say, just because there’s more of them. If you want to be friends with certain people, nobody has any right to stop you. 

I managed to keep every one of my friends, when I could easily have lost about 5. 
Losing friends over silly fallouts isn’t worth it, and it’s important to hold onto the people you care about, as well as the memories you’ve made with them.

Awkwardsaurus

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Feeling Lowest of the Low

Frankly, I need somewhere to rant. So I’ve ended up here because I know you’ll listen.
I feel like crap. Right now, I feel worse than I’ve felt in quite a good while, and I’m about to give you a few of the reasons why.

Today was destined to be boring as hell, since my laptop has decided to give up within the last few days. Broken? I’m not sure if it’ll ever work again or if it’s finally breathed it’s last. I’m hoping it’s just having some time off.. We all need some every now and then, right?

For a few hours, I’d been alternating between scrolling through social media and colouring in my Enchanted Forest book. So far, alright. Could be better, could be worse – will be worse. 

A few hours ago, Penny told me that one of her closest friends likes Flynn (the guy who’s been taking up a lot of my mind from school) and that he “flirts with her”. Turns out she’s also going on the Italy trip in October. Along with me, Flynn and two other girls that like him. Four of us. Four girls that like the same guy. If you haven’t gathered, he’s extremely attractive, hence the slight fanbase he has going on.

After then, I spiralled into the mental state I’m kind of in at the moment. Where has liking this guy actually got me? It’s completely idealistic, since I’ve only spoken to him twice. It’s all based off how I want his personality to be, because he’s good-looking and matches my type insanely well. Not to mention, he’s one of the more popular people in my year, and I’m well … not one of the popular girls. So I guess you could say it’s useless. And finding out about all these other girls with such higher chances just doesn’t do anything for it either.

That’s all? I’m just gloomy over not having chances with some jerk? Not quite.

After sitting in my own conscience for a bit, I decided to post on an Instagram fan account I have. The caption was a condensed version of everything above this point. Including referring to him as “the popular guy”. All seemed fine.

 Until it didn’t say I was on my fan account. 

Somehow, I’d been logged out of the fan account, and had just posted that onto my personal account. Over 100 people from my school year and some from other years follow me on there. I’d deleted it as soon as I could, and it ended up on for about a minute. Maybe a little longer. Combined with the fact that I rarely post, people probably got the notification of “Awkwardsaurus posted for the first time in a while”. There’s no way of knowing how many people saw – or if they saw for that matter.

I sat with my eyes shut, breathing heavily for about 10 minutes, and then came to write this post while listening to the depressing music playlist on Spotify…

I’m sorry for being dramatic, it’s really nothing but it’s just making me feel rubbish…

Awkwardsaurus

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Just My Luck

Hey…

I want to talk about something pretty personal, as far as the posts on my blog usually go. I know – what a way to break the silence. I’m sorry; I just needed someone to talk to about this.

Around Wednesday last week, I noticed two or three red patches on my stomach. I was a little confused, but I assumed they were just marks left from my clothes. 

The next day rolled around, and it was still there. I wasn’t exactly sure if they were the same positioning, so I used a pen to draw rings around them. Sure enough, the day after, they were still there – and in the same place. By this point, a couple more had appeared. 

I did some googling, and diagnosed myself with Pityriasis Rosea. It’s a mouthful of a name, but literally translates to “scaley pink” in Latin. Sounds lovely, am I right?

The symptoms (which didn’t consist of much other than the patches) matched pretty well, so I assumed it’d be that. At this point, I was just relieved it wasn’t anything terrible. 

But after a bit more reading, I learned that the rash can spread across the entire chest, stomach, back, upper legs, and upper arms, as well as sometimes to the face and neck. Frankly, that’s horrendous news, being a 15 year-old who has to do PE lessons in a skort (skirt with shorts attached) that literally does nothing for covering anyone up, not to mention the class of judgemental people I’d be with.

Then, I read on the NHS website that it typically lasts from two to twelve weeks, but can last up to five months. After it’s cleared, it takes a few months for skin to return fully to normal. 

Surely there’s some sort of cure, you might ask? Nope. The only treatments listed are to relieve the itching that comes along with the rash. Thankfully, I haven’t experienced any of that yet, but then again I’ve only been dealing with it for a small fraction of the time…

Cause of the rash is uncertain, but it’s thought to be caused by some sort of viral infection, and isn’t spread from person to person. I have zero clue how I managed to get it.

The worst part of this is knowing that there’s nothing I can do to stop it, and no way of controlling how far it spreads. As a person who hates to be confined and trapped, it really scares me quite a bit… 

As for my symptoms, the rash has slowly been spreading higher up my stomach, making its way to my chest and down past my hips to my upper thighs. 

I’m terrified, and I just needed someone to talk to about this, so thank you for reading if you did…

Awkwardsaurus 

Posted in monthly look ahead, Uncategorized

MONTHLY LOOK-AHEAD – MAY 2017

Can you believe another month has gone already? We’re 5 months into 2017 HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!

Anyways, with the beginning of another month always comes a Monthly Look-Ahead post, since it’s a great way to track what’s going on and whatnot.

Britt’s Birthday

I don’t think we have anything big planned, but it’ll be Britt’s Birthday at some point in May, which is exciting! Writing birthday cards is honestly one of my favourite things, especially when we have a chat that goes back almost two years; I can write up a few messages she’ll have forgotten about! 😉

OUAT Musical Episode 

The Once Upon A Time fandom have been waiting so long for a musical episode, and the time has finally arrived people!! On May 7th, the episode with Hook (my love) and Emma’s wedding will be musical themed! I’m beyond excited for that, not to mention the final two episodes of Season 6 that’ll follow it! OUAT HAS BEEN SO DAMN GOOD LATELY!!

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

As youll more than likely be well aware, there’s a new Guardians of the Galaxy film. After loving the first one as much as I did (let me tell you, it was a lot), it’d be insane not to go and see this one at some point! Who doesn’t love Chris Pratt? Or baby Groot? ❤

Wearing a Skirt to School

As everyone that knows me would know, I wear trousers (or pants, as you might call them) to school. I have done every day, every year, for 4 years. HOWEVER (of course there’s a however), I tried on my younger sister’s skirt, and since it was too big for her, it fit me pretty well! I wore it once last Monday, but the rest of the week was a little cold to be without my trousers. It’s warming up this week, so I thought I’d give it another go!

Warmer Weather?

As I write this, I’m pretty damn cold, but by the end of May it should have warmed up, right? Don’t get me wrong, the colder seasons are my favourite, but I just want to warm up a little!

And those are the main things I’m looking forward to in the next month!

Awkwardsaurus

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MY FIRST HAUL

Hey there people! 
As you’ll have gathered from the title (or not? *Cue dramatic music*) I’m doing a haul. It’s something I haven’t done before, purely because I never really buy much at a time but I’ve wanted to do one for quite a while! Yesterday, I was out with Rachel and Regina, and bought a few more things than usual, so I thought I’d share them!

LET’S START WITH PRIMARK

Purse – £4.00

I actually bought this a few weeks ago, but I thought I’d include it anyway. It’s very spring/summery with the white and mint colour, and from what I remember, it was only £4.00

Canvas shoes – £6.00

I don’t really own many shoes other than running trainers, so I picked these up for £6.00. Mine are in a  UK Size 6, but it looked like there were a bunch of other sizes too.

Chokers – £2.00

This was kind of a random purchase, but I’ve never used chokers before, and I love when people can totally rock them. So I picked up this pack 🙂

Hair ties – £1.00

I was running out of these, and needed to buy some more. Any explanation needed? 

Sweatshirt – £3.00

I looked around for a while for a top of some kind, and I found this one, after turning down (which i now regret) a white stripy one that ties just below the waist. Either way, this one’s nice, and would keep me a lot warmer than the other.

High Waisted Black Jeans – £8.00

Apologies for not having a photo, but they’re just black and you couldn’t really see much else. I didn’t actually have any high waisted jeans, because they’re quite difficult to buy (a lot of the waists are too wide) but these ones fit perfectly! I’m not too sure how they’ll fit after eating a lot though! 😉

Vaseline £0.80

I’m a proud Vaseline user, and I was actually thinking about doing a post on the many ways to use it at some point… Thoughts?

ONTO BOOTS

Clean & Clear Starter Kit – £6.99

I’d seen this online, and since my skin hasn’t been fantastic lately, I could really do with special skin care stuff.

 The products were actually bigger than I expected which is a bonus!

Also while I was in Boots, I met a lovely old lady who let me use my boots card for her shopping so I could stack up a few more points! Thank you lady! 😀

And that’s everything! I did try to get some running shorts as pyjamas or slouchy clothes but they wouldn’t get past my thighs in a size 6 (my usual size)…. :/  I also tried to find some underwear but the band sizes only started at 32… Not great for my petite friends 😦

BYEEEE

AWKWARDSAURUS 

P.S. I used my own photos in this post! 🙂

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A Pledge To My Skin

Hi dudes (I use dudes as a gender neutral term, for any girls wondering)

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a  few days, and now seems like a good time so here goes…

Since I was young, and started to see my first spots, zits, pimples – whatever you call them, my mum always taught me that they had to be gotten rid of. Her method of that was popping them. 

As much as I hated it, she’d be determined to get it off my face, and as far as I knew, it’d be gone soon enough. 

Flash forward around seven years later, and I really wish she’d never given me that mindset. I’ve now got a habit of popping spots when I see them in the mirror, often several in a small timeframe. 

But they don’t just go away once it’s done; they become red, and irritated, forming scabs and all-round looking even more obvious than they did before. 

Not to mention, it can cause more breakouts once the stuff has touched your skin..

That’s why I wish my mum hadn’t taught me it was the way to deal with it.

Why am I writing this post now? Well, during the holidays, I’ve been trying to keep my skin clear, which is difficult, but was going fairly well up until last night. I’d managed to stop myself from popping any for about five days, which is pretty good for me, but all that work is gone now. I have red blemishes across my forehead again.

Im hoping that putting this out there will have some sort of effect on how well I keep this, but I’d like to make a pledge here on my blog. That way, it’s more real, and I have to stick to it.

Dear skin, I promise to be gentle with you: not popping or picking and making sure to wash twice a day.

There we have it. Thanks for listening! And I’ll keep you updated 🙂

Awkwardsaurus

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THE BLOGAHOLIC AWARD

Back again with another tag/award! 

Today’s is The Blogaholic award, which I was nominated for by Regina (Diversion3000). Thank you so, so much for that! Your blog is awesome (check it out if you haven’t already!).

So, onto the rules:

  1. Put the logo/image on your blog.
  2. List the rules
  3. Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog (it can be to the post in which they nominated you or any other post you can even link to their ‘About page’).
  4. Mention the creator of the award and please provide a link to The recipe Hunter (Cook & Enjoy)
  5. Write a post to show your award
  6. Share a link to your best post(s)
  7. Share 3 interesting and different facts about yourself.
  8. Nominate 5-10 bloggers, or more if you wish.
  9. Comment on each blog and let them know you have nominated them and provide a link to the post you created.

My Best Posts

This is convenient, since I was just looking through a bunch of old posts this morning! I love to read them back like a diary, and see what was going on in my life at the time, and how much I’ve grown.

As far as my favourite ones to look back on, I’d say I love ‘A Day At A Theme Park‘, since it really captured the fun I had that day. A couple that the blogosphere seemed to really like are ‘Let’s Talk About… Menstrual Cups‘ and ‘To My Fellow Brace-Faces‘. And then there’s the one about ‘My Favourite Recipe Ever‘ which is obviously one of my personal favourites. I do plan to revisit that at some point in these holidays!

3 Facts About Myself

  1.  I once said “Happy Birthday Sir” to my old Religion teacher on the corridor at school (He had told us it was his birthday a couple days ago, don’t worry) and he stared at me blankly… I still get the embarrassment and cringe from it today!
  2. I can sing (probably badly) the majority of A Very Potter Musical
  3. I bought Penny a blue hard hat for her birthday this year 😀

My Nominees

All That Jazz

Elm

Coolbeans4

Coffee And Spilled Ink

How Not to Freak Out

And that’s this award finished! 😀

Awkwardsaurus

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Plans for the Holidays

Why hello again people! 

Shocker: I’m back for the second day in a row. *Cue jaws dropping*

As I go to a Catholic school, my two-week-long Easter holiday began today (or yesterday if you count that?). Most schools seemed to finish the week before, but apparently we have to be in school as close to Easter as possible.

With two weeks to myself (not exactly, since I have 6 other siblings), I thought it’d be useful to go over a few things I want getting done.

1. Keep on top of fitness

For the last few weeks, I’ve been using a fitness app, called ’30 Day Fitness’. It has a bunch of different focuses, and difficulties so you’re bound to find something for yourself! I’m currently about to start day 18 of the Easy Full Body Workout. The difficulty slowly increases as you progress, and it’s definitely improved me! Each day adds about 5 seconds to the initial 10 second plank, and I’ve definitely got better at that!

2. Get up to date with English literature notes

As the only homework I have over the next 2 weeks, I have to make notes on the characters, themes etc of The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. English is easily one of my least favourite subjects (odd, coming from a blogger, I know) so this will definitely be a bit of a chore 😦

3. Go shopping

Summer is nearing, and my wardrobe consists of hoodies and dark jeans – not summery at all. To fix that, I’ll be going out with Penny, Rachel and Regina at some point. I plan to ransack (in the neatest way possible) Primark, coming back with at least one full outfit! 

4. Be gentle with my skin

The last week or two, my skin has been a hot mess, to say the least. I’ll probably do another post on that in the near future, but for now I’ll just leave it there!

5. Drink truckloads of waterer

For the last year and a half, I’ve been drinking more water, and I’m​ making sure to keep that up!

6. Blog more

It’s no secret that I’ve abandoned Awkwardsaurus slightly in the last month or two… With mocks out of the way, and little homework to worry about, I plan to get a few more posts out than usual!

7. Get a haircut

Since I was really young, I’ve had (some may say crazily, especially Tyler) long hair. It goes down to my hips now… And frankly, I just don’t like it this long. I’m hoping our hairdresser will be coming at some point in this holidays, and I’ll get about 4 inches off!

8. Practice guitar

I’m beyond useless at remembering to practice guitar, which really isn’t great since I’m working towards Grade 6 for an exam in the summer. Hopefully I’ll get some practicing in!

9. Eat chocolate slowly

With Easter in this holidays, it’s certain that I’ll have a bunch of chocolate. After my birthday, I’ve learned the lesson that my skin really does not agree with crazy amounts, so I’ll steer clear of too much in a small timeframe!

And that is the majority of the things I have to do this holidays! What about you?

Awkwardsaurus


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11:11 

Hey there, Awkwardsaurus here.

I’ve had a pretty crazy few weeks, mainly because I’ve gone from spending 0 time whatsoever with the guy I like (Flynn), to seeing him every morning, and sometimes again later in the day, depending on whether I go to form then or not. I peer mentor, so a lot of my form time is in a year 7 form.

He sits directly behind me, which is insanely convenient, and has allowed two conversations – if they’d class as conversations. The first one, which I’m pretty sure I’ve spoken about on here, was two weeks ago today, and went a little (hah exactly) like this.

Me: *turns around* “What’ve we got first?”

Flynn: “I don’t know”

Useless, am I right? It took an insane amount of psyching myself up but I was SO PROUD. 
The next time was Monday, when Hayley asked me to give him a sheet he needed for a geography test. Although I don’t completely remember it all off my head…

Me: *turns around again* “Hayley told me to give you this.”

Flynn: “Who?”

Me: “Hayley… It’s something to do with geography”

Flynn: “Who?”

Me: “Hayley”

Flynn: *genuinely has no clue who Hayley is*

Me: “Apparently you have a test coming up or something”

Flynn: some words probably along the lines of “oh okay”

So that did not go as planned, obviously. I haven’t spoken to him since, mainly because Ashley said I should stay on the low down so I don’t end up annoying him… 

The title of this post might not make much sense at the moment, but I’m getting there, trust me.

For months, I’d wished to talk to him at 11:11. I’m allowed to tell you my wishes if they’ve already come true, right?

Anyways, my thoughts on wishes go as follows:

When you wish for something, you’re given the opportunity to make it happen. In my case, that was Flynn being moved to my form. But the rest is up to you. Only you have the power to make it happen. And thankfully, I managed to do just that! 🙂

What about you? What are your thoughts on wishes? Have any ever come true?

See you next time 

Awkwardsaurus

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A Crazy Week

It is I: Awkwardsaurs.

This week has been fantastic, I’ll have you know. It’s zipped by within what feels like just a day, and I’ve really proven to myself that I am in control.

Monday started off a little blue, as all Mondays do, but especially blue since exam week was over. Why was I missing exams, you might ask? Well, since I have no lessons with Flynn, the exams were the only time I ever saw him except passing by in corridors, and it just so happened that I had a good bit of free time in my exams and used that to my advantage. 😉

HOWEVER, that Monday was about to take a turn. So. So. Fast.

As I arrived to my form room (a science lab, if you’re interested), I realised Flynn was stood outside. I assumed he was chatting to some of his friends that were in my form. 

Our form teacher let us in, and Flynn followed us all. I guessed he was being silly and just deciding to walk into the wrong class on purpose. But he didn’t leave. And sir told him to sit down. At this point, I was pretty damn confused, not to mention terrified. So I made sure to listen especially carefully to the register. Sure enough, his name was called out – which meant he was in my form. 

I ended up concentrating too hard on the fact that he was literally sat right behind me and accidentally said a strange mess of “Yes Miss-Sir” when my name was called out… Classic Awkwardsaurus. 

At this point, Ashley was laughing at me (in a friendly way, of course), since she knows fully well about Flynn. I’d convinced myself I was dreaming. Things like that just don’t happen.

First lesson, maths, rolled around, and I was bursting with excitement to tell Britt. I walked in, and saw her sat at her desk, tapped the table and said “you won’t believe this”. Of course, that caught her attention and she was begging to know. “Guess who’s in my form?” was how I finally told her. She lost it. Literally. But for the entire lesson we were barely concentrated on the maths. How could we?

It was about Lunch time, when I realised that it really mustn’t be a dream, since i hadn’t woken up yet, and the news had spread to my closest girl-friends. 

Britt, Penny and I were planning ways I could talk to him that night over WhatsApp, and Tuesday finally rolled around. But he was doing a job for our form teacher, so I couldn’t talk. 

Wednesday was the first shot I had. I was way too nervous and jittery.

Thursday – I almost did, but got too scared. That day (yesterday) was mainly me being annoyed at myself for not doing it.

But then.

Friday – After scrolling through so many quotes on tumblr about stepping out of your comfort zone and listening to Fifth Harmony, I somehow plucked up the courage to say something. After the register was finished, I was practically chanting “do it” in my head, until turning around and asking “What’ve we got first?” I knew exactly what I had first (chemistry), and what he had first for that matter (geography) but it was the easiest way to make conversation I could think of. Although he only replied with “I don’t know” and I left the conversation there before I exploded, I’m so insanely proud of myself.

In case you hadn’t caught on, that was the first time I’ve spoken to him, and if you aren’t sure who Flynn is, let me enlighten you. 

He’s a popular guy in my year, and easily the best looking guy in the school in my opinion. My friends have known about him since early October, so it’s took me quite a while to finally speak to him.

Moral of the story: stepping out of your comfort zone can be SO WORTH IT, even if it doesn’t get you that far. You’ll be proud of yourself, too.

Here’s one of the quotes that I downloaded:

Awkwardsaurus